By Elle E. Kay
This path we’ve chosen isn’t easy. Whether you’re indie, traditionally, or hybrid published, you have to manage your career. We all have to help with the marketing, juggle social media, send newsletters, and so much more. Keeping all those plates spinning without dropping any of them is nearly impossible. Yet, we expect to do it. And when we fail, we can be brutal to ourselves.
Grace is a beautiful word. We love to sing “Amazing Grace” to remind ourselves of all that God has given us. Most of the time, we don’t mind extending grace to others. A beta reader might need to back out of a project because something came up. An ARC reader might be late reviewing your book. An author friend might promise a testimonial blurb and forget to send it. Most of the time, we understand that life gets in the way, and we offer them grace.
But do we offer ourselves the same grace?
I often fail to give myself the same grace I offer so freely to others. I beat myself up over grammatical errors or spelling mistakes missed in a manuscript. I get upset over not posting enough to social media, spending too much time doom scrolling, spending too much money on marketing, not scheduling enough promotions, or not sticking to a strict writing schedule. Then there are the deadlines—I’ll make myself physically sick trying to meet them instead of asking for an extension. My husband worked second shift up until a couple of years ago. When he was at work, I’d spend my time writing, editing, marketing, and all those other things that an author must do to keep up.
A couple of months ago, I missed an appointment. If you told me you did the same, I would tell you not to beat yourself up. I’d say these things happen or that everyone makes mistakes. Yet when I’m the one who forgets something, I berate myself. Why?
Christ didn’t die on the cross so I could punish myself for every misstep I make. His grace and mercy cover all the mistakes I make in my publishing journey, just as they cover the sins of my past.
I’m not suggesting we give less than our best. We represent Christ here on earth, and it’s our duty to give our calling our absolute best. But it’s also important to remember that we’re only human. We are going to make mistakes, and we should be kind to ourselves when that happens. We can hand our failures over to God and ask Him to help us let them go. The same way we would ask Him to help us forgive someone else, we can ask Him to help us forgive ourselves and accept the grace He’s already given so freely.
Now that my husband is retired and home, I want to spend my evenings with him. Sometimes, choices need to be made, and as Christian writers, it’s not wrong for us to choose family over career advancement—let’s grant ourselves the same grace we offer others and slow down when needed. I’ll continue to write books and do all that goes along with my writing ministry, but I also choose to prioritize my husband. Instead of four or five books a year, maybe I’ll only write two or three, and that’s all right. Will you offer yourself some grace today?
Elle E. Kay is an Angel Award–winning romantic suspense author. Her newest release, Corralling the Cowboy, is her 22nd Christian fiction title. Elle writes gripping suspense and engaging romance wherein her heroes and heroines find love in the midst of perilous circumstances, all while deepening their faith. Visit her on website at https://elleekay.com/.
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Wise words Elle, thank you. And congratulations on the release of Corralling the Cowboy!
Thanks, Priscilla! Have a blessed Christmas.
So glad you wrote this – hit home in a very real way! Thank you for stating it so well!
Thank you, Joy. I’m glad the post was well-received. Have a blessed Christmas.
Love that you’re right on time with this post, Elle! I needed to hear this 🙂
“Christ didn’t die on the cross so I could punish myself for every misstep I make.” THAT PART
I’m glad it resonated with you, Nicole. Merry Christmas.
Thanks! That was an important and timely article. I remember when I was starting out so long ago, writing short fiction and nonfiction for a host of regional and national publications. My rejection box was so full, and I remember thinking I simply didn’t deserve to be a writer. Back then, my relationship with Jesus Christ was nonexistent. Now, having received him in my life and being saved, I realize I could have handled it so much better back in the beginning, if I’d accepted His guidance then. Now, in my Christian fiction writing, I know I write for Him and that when I get it right, it’s because He directs my message and my words. And when I get it all wrong because I “know” better and depart from his guidance, He forgives me once I climb back onto His path and I, in turn, need to forgive myself for being all too human.
So true, Dave. Have a wonderful Christmas.
I keep beating myself up for being stupid enough to get mixed up with a disruptible self-publishing group. I should have seen through the smoke and mirrors but jumped when I should have hesitated. I need to give myself grace and pray that the God of our oops will help me recover my investment in sales.
I keep beating myself up for being stupid enough to get mixed up with a disruptible self-publishing group. I should have seen through the smoke and mirrors but jumped when I should have hesitated. I need to give myself grace and pray that the God of our oops will help me recover my investment in sales.