By Valerie Carr
I remember the first time I had to use a microphone on a stage in front of a large group of lunching ladies. All eyes were on me as I announced the winners of the raffle we had held for the charity we were supporting. For most people, this would not have been an issue. They would have easily stepped up and grabbed the mic, calling out the names of the winners. It was not that way for me. My hands shook and moistened with sweat. My heart raced, and as soon as I spoke, barely a sound left my constricted throat.
It’s not hard to see that I do not like being in the front. I do not like being in the spotlight.
I am much better as a supporting actress than the lead. Correction, I’d rather be the hair and make-up lady.
It was never an issue in my life, quite honestly, because I never sought opportunities to have the mic. To take the lead. To stand up in front of a group.
Until, God.
If God has put a desire on your heart, there’s more under the surface to why you need to say “yes” and obey.
Yes. God asked me to write the story that floated around in my head and then to publish it. But even more. By obeying God and going through the publishing process, I was suddenly cast out into the light. No longer could I hunker alone in the hidden closet I called my office, typing away on a manuscript no one would ever read or know that I was working on.
But publishers recommend Beta Readers, and I can understand why. Beta Readers offer fantastic feedback and become your best promoters. However, understanding that I needed to find Beta Readers formed a question that circled in my head. How was I going to find Beta Readers if I wasn’t going to let my network know that I was publishing a novel? And if I did, then I was stepping into the spotlight, and I was opening myself up to judgment and criticism. And that scared me to death!
Thinking about the whispers behind my back. The judging eyes reading the book that I had only wanted to stay in private nearly made me quit. 
Doubts. Insecurities. They are like chains around our ankles, locking us into place. Keeping us motionless in a place that offers comfort, not growth. Self-serving obscurity, not God-honoring service.
Breaking the chains is difficult. It’s painful. But once you trust God to take your hand and break you free, the feeling is amazing! Healing!
I clearly remember the day I sat with my Mahjong group, who had no inkling of my secret, and shared that I was publishing my first Women’s Christian Fiction novel. It was as though the chains around my ankles instantly broke open and fell to the ground. I no longer cared what they thought. I no longer worried what the outcome would be. The funniest part was that they were overjoyed and excited for me. I had two sign up to be Beta Readers, and another offered to talk to her daughter, who was in my exact demographic. But that wasn’t what really mattered. On the drive home. I smiled. I laughed. I felt free! I have always suffered from the fear of rejection. The fear of being cast out because I didn’t fit the mold.
If nothing else comes from this process. The releasing of that fear is worth every pinch, stab, and pressure that comes from God’s working hands.
The freedom I gained that day allows me to continue to share my book with friends and strangers today.
So if you’re where I was: a member of ACFW, reading this blog, holding a manuscript hostage on your laptop, afraid of what others will think. Let me encourage you. If God put this on your heart, there is more than what is on the surface, and why you need to obey. God always works deeper than we can see from our point of view.
You don’t want to miss what comes next.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV.
Valerie Carr writes Contemporary Christian Fiction for women who want to see themselves on the page and experience faith and God’s hope in a way that feels genuine and believable. Off the page, Valerie is a wife to her husband of 25 years and a mom to three college-aged boys.
Comments 7
Valerie, thank you for your inspiring post. I especially loved these words: “Self-serving obscurity, not God-honoring service.”
Years ago, I heard a psychologist say that shyness is selfish. Af first, I questioned that statement. But as I thought about it, I realized that she was right. To worry about being rejected puts the focus on the self, not on others. To refuse to share with the world the gifts God has given us is, indeed, selfish.
So, thank you for your wonderful, truth-filled words. May God bless the work of your heart and of your hands for His glory and the building of His Kingdom.
~ MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Let me thank you in return. Your wonderful words of blessing for me and my work, especially through my book, was something I so needed to hear and receive. May God bless you and your hands and heart as well.
–Valerie
Glory to God! He knows us and meets our every need.
Blessings on you, dear sister in Christ!
MaryAnn <3
Well said. Thanks for sharing what God laid on your heart.
Thank you Elle!!
It’s uncanny, Valerie. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I, too, hate the spotlight. I was even thinking if I ever get published, I’d use a pen name. Now, I may just be brave enough to use my real name. Thanks for sharing your story.
Oh Rachel. I’m laughing. I too considered a pen name. Then I was thinking maybe I’d put my middle initial and people would have to ask themselves if that was truly me. And now…I am so glad I have just my actual first and last name. I feel strong and courageous to put myself on the book and out in public view. The only name I now think deserves the cover more than mine is the Lord’s, since He really is who wrote the story! Prayers and blessings to you!!! Thanks for commenting!!!