Building Meaningful Connections as an Introvert

By Elle E. Kay

With conference time approaching, if you’re attending, it’s time to think about the relationships we’ll begin while we’re there. If you’re not able to make it this year, there may still be a nugget or two that will resonate with you.

 If you’re an introvert like me, you may get overwhelmed by the thought of interacting with strangers.

Before my first national writer’s conference, I called my sister. She’s a psychologist who has attended many conferences, so I figured she’d understand my trepidation about attending alone. I even considered asking her or my mother to join me. But what she said changed that.

She recommended I go alone as I was more likely to meet people and make new friends if I wasn’t worried about getting back to the room so I wasn’t keeping someone waiting.

The first few conferences she attended, she brought someone with her (our mother and her husband took turns). It turned out that while it was nice to have the support, it hindered her ability to network and foster friendships. It was the first year she attended alone that she finally connected with her fellow psychologists. She’s now on the executive committee.

I found her experience-based advice invaluable, and chose to attend alone. I had a wonderful time and met some amazing people.

Yes, I still analyzed every word I spoke and thought of ten better ways I could’ve said something (or not said something), but I’ve come to realize that even with my tendency to overthink things, the value of making connections cannot be overstated. Whether you’re meeting with agents, editors, critique partners, or fellow authors, try to remember they might be just as nervous and uncomfortable as you are. We’re all just humans trying to relate to one another. One benefit we have over many other conferences is that we’re all Christians. So, you can be pretty sure that all the attendees are going to do their best to be kind even when dishing out constructive criticism.

As I think back on that initial conference, I remember many things fondly. I had an agent and an editor request my manuscript, which helped boost my confidence, but even if they hadn’t requested more from me, I know the meetings would’ve still provided value. I would’ve had practice pitching, which we all need. Even if you’re self-publishing, you need to pitch your book to sell it to readers.

Another memory I have from that year was when a scavenger hunt was scheduled, but nobody showed up to run it. Instead of going back to our rooms, a group of us played games like two truths and a fiction, and we had a roaring good time.

At the next conference, I learned that many of the people I met at the previous conference couldn’t attend, so I felt alone again and awkward again standing around with nobody to talk to. I decided to talk to God. I asked Him for opportunities to be a blessing to someone else.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” — Philippians 2:3-4 (KJV)

Everywhere I looked, I spotted a need I could assist with—helping someone find something or praying with someone before an editor appointment. It was amazing the doors God opened that helped me to get to a place of belonging. In looking to help others, I inadvertently helped myself. I recommend giving it a try.

Elle E. Kay is an Angel Award-winning Christian romantic suspense author with 23 Christian fiction titles and over 12 million Kindle Unlimited page reads. Her most recent release, Project Sentinel, pits her protagonists against rogue officials using AI surveillance technology to orchestrate political assassinations. Elle lives on a Pennsylvania hobby farm, serves in teen ministry, and connects with readers through her VIP Reader Club newsletter.